Amir Kaljikovic

A little bit ago we wrote an article on yours truly, Elite Daily, called “If You Really Liked Her, You'd Be The First One To Make A Move.” The title here pretty much sums up the point of the article, but incase you need more of a clue in: Guys, just ask us out already. While we stand by our article and wholeheartedly still believe in every typed word within it, our stance on said article was recently challenged.

A real man knows that and accepts full responsibility of what’s happening in his life. And he does his best to change whatever he doesn’t like. Then he works hard until he shapes his life exactly as he wants it to be. A Real Man Doesn’t Seek For Approval. Masculine men make decisions based on what they want.
If you want a real relationship, equipped with real feelings, real caring, real consideration, and real romance, and he doesn't, then he’s not the right guy for you and let him (and yourself) go. So if you see any of these warning signs, and especially if you see several of them, chances are that this is not a guy that’s looking for a real.

The challenger? A guy. OF COURSE.

He didn't just casually disagree with our belief that the “guy need to be the asker-outer.” He REALLY disagreed. In fact, he became sort of heated about it in the already hot 90-degree weather on his rooftop pool deck.

Mar 27, 2015 A real man is afraid of losing the woman he loves and is not at all scared to admit it. When you meet the right woman, you should be afraid of losing her, whether it be to another person or to one.

Although this is a great guy friend of ours, and he is allowed to challenge our viewpoints on our published works with no offense taken, we were confused and taken aback. Just simply telling guys they need to be the pursuers is not that obscure, right? Wrong.

Dying to know more, we started to grill this guy.

Let's set the stage for our guy friend. He is tall, successful, attractive, great personality and by far one of the best dinner dates in town. But, he is single. Even as his best gal pals, we have NO clue how in the world this guy is single. He really has it all.

He is the type of guy who is perfectly capable of walking into any bar and walking up to a girl and asking her out, yet he doesn't. He doesn't use dating apps because he thinks they are desperate and draw the wrong kind of attention. (We agree.) Further, he told us he is not likely to text first even if he really likes a girl, is not at all weirded out by a girl if she gives him “the double blow up” AND is flattered by and prefers girls going after him.

If you are thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD?! And WHY?! And wondering if our friend is a martian, we were too. We obvi needed more info so we dug deeper. Prepare, dear readers.

Revert back to the qualities we attributed to our guy in question. He has it all, remember? The reason he is so reluctant to chase and be the pursuer is quite simple. Upon further elaboration it made sense to us, and it can all be reverted back to one big dating cliché. He is a classic “good on paper guy.”

He purposefully resists the chase, asking girls out and be the pursuer because little does he know, some day some chick might be lonely, bored AF, whose besties are all married and pregnant and think, “well, he keeps asking me out, he is good on paper, so even though I don't have real feelings for him I should just keep dating him.”

BOOM. mind blown.

He views girls coming after him as a sign of genuine affection, versus feeling like he's “making” a girl like him.

This is so true. As relationship bloggers, we know that relationship “rules” and articles such as the ones we write are never black and white and set in stone; there are grey areas everywhere.

Case in point right here. Dating and putting yourself out there is just as scary for guys as it is for us girls. If we were him, we would be terrified to chase after someone who might not be there for the right reasons just to “settle” and check off the boxes in their all important list of things to accomplish before 40.

A girl chasing him tells him everything he needs to appease his fears. A girl coming on to him makes him feel like they actually want him for him, that he's not forcing someone to like him. They want to be with him because of who he is IRL; they want to see him and go on dates with him because they WANT to spend time to getting to know him. He is comforted by the idea that a girl wouldn't seek him out if she were doing so solely in hopes of fulfilling a void.

This is a tough situation where both he, and our article have conflicting points, but they can be drawn together. Girls want the guy to be the pursuer, they want to be asked out on dates and they are frustrated when guys don't follow the “rules” and ask them out. However, if a really really great guy who is not pass-up-able comes along, girls should most definitely consider changing the golden rules of dating and put themselves out there for the guy.

This is his point: If a girl really is interested in him, and not caught up in all he has and who he is on paper, she will put in some of the grunt work to get his attention in a real way. The others who are in it for the wrong reasons will give up eventually and move along with their lives.

Dating is a tough world to navigate, and this really throws a monkey wrench in our firm beliefs of waiting around for a guy to ask us out. However stuck on this process we are, we both fully admit if an amazing guy came around, there is zero chance we would sit idly by and wait for him. It's definitely not our favorite fantasy about finding love, but it sure is one that can happen.

MadameNoire Featured Video

Are you wondering if a guy is serious about you?

When you’re dating there are things guys make a conscious effort not to do for women they don’t care about. They often do this in the hope that it will stop the woman they are seeing from catching feelings or expecting more from them, but it rarely, if ever, works.

However, if a guy is serious about you, there are clear signs that indicate his love for you. In fact, a 2018 study from The University of Alberta showed that men and women across all cultures use similar behaviors when they like someone. So if you think a man is into you, they are probably exhibiting signs that you might do yourself. “You can tell if someone likes you—whether that’s a new doctor, a colleage at work or a prospective partner, regardless of gender or cultural background—if they exhibit certain behaviours,” said Christine Kershaw, the co-lead investigator of the study.

Simply put: if you catch your guy doing certain things, you can be sure he knows exactly what he’s doing. And he’s planning to be in it for the long haul.

Here are 21 signs a man is serious about you:

1. He inquires about your day

If you had a job interview that you believe didn’t go so well, a meeting with your boss about a possible promotion, an important doctor’s appointment, or basically anything you casually mentioned is coming up and he makes a point of calling you to ask how it went, he is serious about you.

Men who aren’t serious about a woman make a point of not asking for too many details about her life. A man who asks thoughtful questions about the daily happenings in your life is interested in getting to know you better. In fact, he finds you interesting and wants you to know that he is giving you his full attention.

2. He clarifies those missed calls

Did he take hours to call back? Did he completely forget to text back? If you’re just someone he is having temporary fun with, he isn’t concerned about you getting pissed about those things.

But if he makes a point of saying, “Hey, sorry for taking so long, I was busy with a call for work,” or “Oh my god I just realized you sent me a text when I was in the gym and I completely forgot to answer! I’m so sorry!” then you’re not someone he is willing to let go of easily. Men know how much a delayed call and texts upset us and the last thing he wants to do is get on our nerves.

3. He wants to make you laugh

Okay, everyone knows his jokes are corny. Even his mama agrees. But he’ll tell them to you all day just to see you laugh or hear you make fun of him.

A study from the University of Kansas found the when two strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more a woman laughs at those attempts, the more likely the woman is interested in the man.

4. He offers to help

When you men

2021.11